About 10 years ago, we had a not-so-funny running joke that our house was covered in a dark cloud that never moved. It seemed that if it could happen, it happened to us — one thing after another, and another. The heavy feel of the clouds never seemed to let up. And when we finally got a peek at the sun, something would happen and they would quickly cover us again.

Now I find myself again in this place, feeling like my life is covered in dark clouds right now.  There is a difference this time around, though: I refuse to let them settle. I refuse to accept the darkness as my reality. I am looking to find the light in the shadows. There is a truth I know and understand this time around that I didn’t have before.

Beth Moore said it like this, “In the Bible, clouds are always associated with God. Clouds are the sorrows, sufferings, or providential circumstances, within or without our personal lives, which actually seem to contradict the sovereignty of God. Yet it is through these very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were never any clouds in our lives, we would have no faith.”

Today, I can look at the clouds and understand they are a sign that God is there. I look at every cloud He brings my way as a chance to learn or unlearn something vital. I have come face to face with the deepest, darkest parts of human life both in my own life and while walking alongside others as a counselor. I believe that until I can see God in the dark without wanting to rage (been there, too) at Him, I simply do not yet know Him, his character, and what He ultimately wants for me.

Simply put, life hurts and the “why” question is always hard to answer, yet I find myself now not raging at Him with “Why me?” and asking instead, “What do I need to learn or unlearn?”