Do you ever wonder why everything seems to always be a battle? Constant frustration, always an argument just waiting to rear its ugly head? Sometimes, life seems as if we are on a perpetual rollercoaster with twists and turns, going upside down, slowly rising, yet falling rapidly and never, ever seems to STOP!

Life is absolute chaos and instead of pausing the ride, we adamantly stay on, fighting against the jolts, infinite drops, and slowly, heartachingly climbing back up from the pit. 

There must be a reason we choose to stay on the ride. A reason we choose to stubbornly defend and argue just to be able to strap ourselves in the seat and hang on for dear life.

I wonder if it is easier to hold on than it would be to pause, jump off and try to figure out the underlying reason we are looping back and forth. There is comfort in the chaos. The busier we are, the easier it is to avoid the hard stuff. I mean, we don’t have time for that, right?

Yet, we beg, borrow and plead for someone to swoop in and save us from the mayhem.

So, how do we even begin to step off the rollercoaster?

First, we have to acknowledge we are even on it.  Easier said than done in the day to day thick of constant pandemonium. There has to be an intentional choice to pause, pull back, reflect, and say, “I am no longer choosing to stay on this ride.”

Second, we have to acknowledge the emotions we have tried to avoid by staying on the ride.  They are going to come hard and fast, urging you to get back on because the havoc they are wreaking on your life is much, much harder than the constant twists and turns that propel our avoidance.

Third, we have to figure out what we are really fighting for.  In relationships, we are often fighting to be agreed with. I mean, who wouldn’t want someone to say, “You know what, thank you for educating me, I have seen the light, you are so right.”  Feels, amazing, huh? I think, yes, for a moment!  But, what about the next thing and the next thing…are you going to keep fighting to be agreed with? Seems like a rollercoaster in itself. 

Fourth, we were never designed to be cookie-cutter replicas of each other. We are fighting for something that is impossible. We are meant to be two pieces of the puzzle, each with our own thoughts, beliefs, and styles. Is it not okay that we don’t agree on every interpretation of things. Last time I checked two puzzle pieces that are exactly alike do not fit together.

In terms of your marriage, it is the differences that often bring us together. Yet, it is those same differences that, over time, move us further and further apart.  Somewhere along the way we forgot to appreciate the polarity and in the chaos of life fight for our spouse to agree with us, to be just like us.

In what ways has this impacted your marriage and will you take the steps to counteract it? Remembering once again the goal is to be united like two puzzle pieces that connect in their similarities and their differences.