Programming Your Mind for a Happy Marriage

Who is Your Person?

My husband, Jon, is my person. Yes, just like Christina and Meredith on Grey’s Anatomy. Come on, tell me you know the reference! He is the yin to my yang, the Rachel to my Monica, the Patrick to my Spongebob.

Okay, I’ll stop. You get the point.

My husband has created a smoothie date a couple times a week, but it doesn’t look like what you are thinking. Click the photo to learn more!

Jon is the first one I can’t wait to tell everything about: my day, all the details, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’m quite sure at times I completely confuse and overwhelm him. There are times when he is equally amused and frustrated with me. And I bet there are times when he thinks, “Why do I need to know that the printer once again jammed?”

However, there are times when he hurts my feelings, or I downright don’t like him at that moment. What then? Who do I talk to then?

And boy oh boy, when things go wrong, he gets the brunt of hearing all about it. And yes, sometimes, sadly, I completely take out my frustration on him. After all, he is my person. He is the one I feel safe with.

But it is inconsistent and depends on my emotions and, quite frankly, his. His emotion, responses, and advice (ugh) often are not what I want to hear or what I even need in the moment. 

Then what?!

Because I’ve made him my person, my only person, he is my first source of release, of getting what I need emotionally. Wow! Imagine the pressure. I’m not easy to understand, I’m quite sure. My mind goes 100 mph in 100 different directions. I’m thinking he’s in a constant state of whiplash.

I read something today that made me think of the expectations I place on him as “my person”: the blame he gets when he doesn’t fulfill all my unspoken needs and desires as “my person”. I’ve set us both up for failure.

There is another way, another person that should be above all, my first go to…not just in the quiet of the morning, but all day, every day.

Jesus.

If I only spend time with Him in my scheduled morning times then I’m missing out, big. Jesus is the only one who can handle me – all of me. It’s time to seek Him consistently throughout the day, to not let unexpected problems distract me from Him.

Instead, it’s time to talk with Him about everything and watch confidently to see what He would do. Don’t get me wrong; Jon is still “my person” on Earth and he will likely still hear a lot about my day.

The BIG difference? The expectation for him to respond like I want and to fill up my cup are gone.

Jesus is my first go to, my refuge, a place to pour out my heart all day, every day. He is my source of all things.

 

Questions for you:

Who have you made your earthly person?

What undue pressure and expectations do you place on them?

What are you willing to do to take the pressure off of them?

How will you implement this change throughout your day?

 

I want to hear from you. Tell me all the things.

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I’m a small-town Oklahoma girl living the big city life in Houston, Texas with even BIGGER dreams. I was an elementary school teacher turned marriage and family therapist with a passion for helping families live their best lives.

About Amy

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Jesus' Daughter, Wife, Mom, CEO, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, High-Performance Business Coach, Podcast Host, & Professional Taco-Eater